Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes Needs an Employee
by Tina Redwood
Summary: Read letters between your favorite characters as Fred and George try to find someone to work at their store. One shot.


It's a year after graduation of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Dumbledore's still headmaster and Snape's still potions master. And the Weasley twins are looking for someone to come and work for them at their store.

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Dear Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley,

I quit.

After two kids attacked me for the only fake wand left in the store, I realized I'm going to die early at this rate. Hope you can find a replacement soon.

By the time you read this letter, I'll be on my way to China to work for a circus. Yes, that'd be a quieter life than working at your hectic store.

Thanks,

Rena.

P.S.: I'm taking my paycheck from the counter.

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Dear Rena,

I don't know where you are, but I'm sure my owl can find you and deliver this to you.

I'm sorry to see you go. As a consolation thing we'll send you a box of goodies from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. Just make sure you don't use any of them yourself. Good luck in China!

Love,

Fred Weasley.

P.S.: You took an extra knut. Send it on your return owl.

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Dear Ron,

Hi, bro. How would ya like to work at the store? I know you worked here some time ago, but we'd like to have you back. No one bites, except the biting pencil cases. But there's nothing we can do about that. Let us know.

Love,

Fred&George Weasley

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Dear Fred and George,

Shut the fuck up.

Love,

Ron

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Dear Ron,

No need to be rude!

For that we send you a pencil case.

Love,

Fred&George

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Dear Hermione,

How would you like to come and work at our store?

We pay well.

Love,

Fred

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Mr. Weasley,

Here's your freaking knut.

Screw you,

Rena.

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Dear Fred,

Fred, there's a reason why Ron quit.

Best Wishes,

Hermione Granger

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Dear Hermione,

You can't listen to Ron!! Besides, it's his fault that the teethed hats attacked him. He made a very bad joke at it, saying they are 'toothy'. I don't even know what that means!

Anyways, my owl's very tired, so I'll send this some time later. He just came back from China, and I have to send him back there.

Love, Fred.

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Dear Rena,

Thanks for the knut. And there's no need to screw us. We have no interest in you whatsoever, especially now that you quit and is in China.

Sincerely,

Fred Weasley.

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Dear Harry,

Don't agree to take the job at Wizard's Wheezes. Just a word of warning. Don't respond to Fred and George's owls!

Love,

Ron and Hermione.

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Dear Harry,

How would you like a fascinating employment at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes?

Love,

Fred and George Weasley.

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The Weasley Twins,

I don't want your stupid little gadgets around my classrooms. I shall talk with Dumbledore about banning them.

Professor Severus Snape.

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Dear Harry,

Hello?

Annoyed,

Fred and George Weasley

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Dear Professor Snape,

We're sorry to hear that, but there's nothing we can do. We don't refuse service to anyone unless they are evil.

But still we're willing to sell you a hair greaser. It greases your hair. We doubt you'll need it, but if you use it on everyone else perhaps people'll think your hair is not so greasy.

Sincerely,

George Weasley.

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Dear Harry,

If you keep on ignoring us, we forbid you from meeting Ginny.

Love,

Fred and George.

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Fred& George

OKAY OKAY OKAY!!!!

I don't want the job!!!

Harry

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The Weasley Twins,

Stop trying to be smart with me.

-Prof. Snape

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Malfoy,

How does a lucrative job at the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes sound like to ya?

-Fred&George Weasley, who are better than you.

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Harry,

Tsk, tsk. You're turning down a very good job.

Oh well.

-George

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The Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes,

I'd like fifteen boxes of the hair greaser delivered to Mr. Severus Snape's office. It is NOT for him. I repeat, it is _not_ for him.

Sincerely,

Anonymous Buyer.

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Anonymous Buyer Who Cannot Possibly Be Professor Severus Snape,

We'll give you an extra box. Sixteen boxes will be delivered to your, I mean, Professor Snape's office.

Sincerely,

Fred Weasley.

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Rena,

How are things in China? Haven't heard from you in a while.

Love,

Fred&George

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Fred&George,

Weird things are going on at Hogwarts. We all woke up and all of our hair was greasy.

There's not a person in the castle with ungreasy hair, it's crazy. More I wash my hair, worse it gets.

Do you have anything to fix this at your store?

Love,

Ginny

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Dear Hermione,

Hermione, I love you so much.

And I think it is now time to take our relationship to the next level. Meet me in my bedroom tonight: you can Apparate.

Love,

Ron

P.S.: I love the lacy langerie in hot pink.

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Dear Ron,

We don't know why, but your owl Pig thought it would be funny to deliver your mail to us.

George is killing himself laughing as I write this.

Ron, I'm concerned. I'm not sure if you're ready to take Hermione to bed. And I'm also more concerned that you don't know how to spell 'lingerie'.

Love you anyways,

Fred.

P.S.: Don't take this as a threat, but I'm showing Mum your letter until you can find us someone to work at our store.

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Dear Ginny,

We would send you a cream, but the grease thing was for another customer. And we can't lose a customer that way.

Sorry,

George

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Fred,

I hate you so much.

Ron.

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Dear Harry,

Harry, can you work at Fred&George's place PLEASE?

Thanks,

Ron.

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Ron,

BUT YOU SAID NOT TO!!!

-Harry

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Harry,

I forbid you from meeting Ginny if you don't work there.

-Ron

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Ginny,

Why do you have so many brothers? God...

I'll be working at your twin brothers' store from now on. Come and visit me sometimes.

Love,

Harry.

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Fred,

I'll work at your store.

Harry

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Dear Ron,

Good job. In our gratitude, we'll send Hermione a magical breast-enlargement bra and sexy matching thongs that moan. They are lacy and in red. Don't bother to tell us her bra size; she'll grow into them.

-Fred and George

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Fred,

NO!!!

Ron

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Ron,

Your brothers sent me lingerie. Except they spelled it 'langerie'. What's going on? And how come Harry's working at their store now?

Confused,

Hermione

P.S.: I'll wear them when I visit tonight. Wink

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**A one-shot I did for fun. :P Review!**


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